How in the latest lockdown are you supposed to regulate your own stress and be a great role model in managing your fear and anger. How when the familiy is all on top of each other do you make sure harmony remains and what can you do with a child who struggles to regulate at the best of times? This newsletter provides some useful tips on regulating for adults and children, physically, mentally and emotionally.
The human body is designed to be in a state of ease and balance (known as homoestasis). Otherwise our system can be overloaded and we can go into a state of dis-ease or disease.
In the past, the response to stress has been perceived as two- pronged:
Part 1; Fight, flight and freeze is controlled by the sympathetic part of our autonomic nervous system which responds to a stressor by sending alert messages to many parts of the body including all our organs and the muscles of the legs, arms and face. The parasympathetic nervous system does the opposite and activates part 2;the rest and digest phase via the biggest nerve in our body; the vagus nerve.
However, Stephen Porges, professor of psychiatry at the University of North Carolina created his Polyvagal theory which proports there to be third part of the stress response which he calls social engagement.
Social engagement, according to Porges is a playful mixture of activation and calming that operates out of unique nerve influences. The social engagement system helps us develop, enjoy and find our way around relationships. If we naturally or through practice shift into using our social engagement system, we become more flexible in our ability to cope. It is not a case of try harder, but try different.
Doing so, allows a much more nurturing way of parenting and dovetails with the PACE approach of Dan Hughes.
Trauma can keep adults and children alike, stuck in the fight or flight response and teaching people to stimulate the vagus nerve will help them shift from being constantly on alert to a more restful, thoughtful and effective way of living.
Do some of these, you don't need to do them all!
Exercise; a brisk walk for twenty minutes 3 or 4 times a week
Breath in for a count of 4, hold and breathe out for a count of 5/6 for 1-5 minutes a day
Splash cold water or even place ice on your face. In a and e, nurses use ice cubes to calm children
Sing or chant
Go upside down- yoga sun salutations or downward dog (encourage kids hang upside down on climbing frames and even on the sofa watching tv! )
Learn to Meditate- there’s loads of apps
Exchange love and compassion with family and friends
Breathe in for 4 hold for 7 breathe out for 8
Laugh- tell jokes, watch a comedy, have fun making funny faces, talking with funny voices
Have a massage view how to give one here
Go out in sunlight
Perform acts of kindness
Hook ups- put your hands under your armpits and cross your legs
Hold your forehead or heart
Carrying heavy backpack/books/jug
Do press ups against a wall
Do Wall squats
Stand on one leg- you can’t balance and be angry
Listen to music through headphones it stimlates the corpus callosume to connect right and left brain
Progressive muscle relaxation- tighten and relax muscles of the body starting at the feet and working up the body
Do something physical; Go for a walk, do the washing up and scrub a really dirty pan, pair the socks in the clean washing, beat a pillow, scream into a pillow
Good luck with staying regulated!
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Best wishes Gill
"As a relatively experienced adopter, many years in to a stressful journey, with a complex child, living with challenging, sometimes extreme behaviour, I wasn’t too sure what to expect. What could it do for me that the other numerous training courses, variety of groups and forums have failed to achieve over the years? I wondered if the course might be geared towards prospective or new adoptive parents, rather than the more battle weary amongst us. I could not have been more wrong! "
- Gill Maddison -
Member of the International Stress Management Association
GM Tree Training Ltd
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