Enjoy your children- Put out a game out to play and if they refuse to join in, just “play” it anyway- they may get drawn in
Give them your full and complete for just 10 minutes a day. No distractions in your head, no answering the phone, 110% focus on them, a small amount of attention goes a long way
Listen to them with your eyes as well as your ears. I realised as an expert multi-tasker that I rarely had conversations with my son where I looked at him! Be there just for them.
Have some me time, again a small amount goes a long way to keeping you sane
Choose your battles and choose what you can let them get away with
Do you want to be loved or be right? Cut the argument and zip it. Does it really matter if they are wrong on this occasion and you don’t point it out?
This too shall pass – Visualise the problem in 1 week, 1 month,1 year. Has it gone?
Forgive yourself whenever you lose it, we all do
Smile to your child more often. You may be broadcasting all sorts of non-verbal messages that they mis-interpret for example when you worry over a bill
Be honest with your kids, they pick up every conversation you have anyway
Keep a sense of humour and find a way to laugh together; it’s the best medicine. When we’re having an argument I often just laugh at the ridiculousness of it- it’s the same argument again! So does he and then it’s gone
Make a choice when you wake up that today will be different: Today I could be critical, irritable and demanding but I think I’ll show how I love my child and have a happy day, instead
Imagine you are the Dalai Lama or some other person you admire for their wisdom and serenity, how would they handle this?
Come to terms with the truth- You have taken on someone elses damaged child and don’t compare them with your friends child
When you sound like your mother or father you can be sure you have been triggered! Getting in touch with all your negative stuff can allow healing for you if you let it. Find some time to let all those emotions out, its ok to wallow in it for a while if your children are asleep or at school
Ask yourself better questions. Instead of ”why me”? “what have I done wrong?” “will it ever stop?” Ask “how can I turn this around?” “What can we learn from this?” “how can I see this differently”
Spend time in nature- research has shown that just looking at a picture of a green scene lowers stress hormones and calms alpha waves in the brain. Walking in a forest is the most beneficial as trees give off a protective stress reducing chemical thought to lower blood pressure. A family walk in the woods will calm you all and burn off excess adrenaline- the hormone that induces stress.
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