stress Awareness Day

Published on 6th November 2016

 What can we do for Adopters/Carers to relieve their Stress?

When working with adopters and foster carers I hear the following comments- sadly all too frequently:

I'm stressed at the intensity of being in demand from 5.30am until whatever time he sleeps at night; daily tantrums with biting, throwing things at me, kicking; feeling bullied sometimes by a nearly four year old.

Being unheard stresses me. I'm forever trying to get family, friends, school to understand trauma and attachment. But it's hard. Largely they don't get it.

I'd say stress is caused by fear for the future, sleep deprivation and knowing how to tell their story.

My main causes of stress are when I'm trying (and failing) to get professional help/support for my adopted son; when his behaviour starts to spiral out of control and I seem to be powerless to stop it and, as time goes on, become less and less patient/empathic myself with him and can see that my reactions are actually making things worse!

Here are some common themes - the causes of post adoption and foster care stress, provided by some of my course participants

lack of understanding and unnecessary justifying to family, friends and teachers
aggressive and controlling behaviours 
Dynamic between birth adopted children 
refusing school
trying (and failing) to get professional help/support
fear for the future
sleep deprivation

not being good enough [Stressed woman]
having to fight for everything for our children
feeling bullied by a four year old
financial situation
Attachment disorder
Not able to work
Health issues
Self harming 
Being spread too thin
Things spiralling out of control 
Sibling rivalry
Walk of shame from school
Hoarding food
Not eating
Fighting with other children
Being excluded from school

Whilst the Adoption Support Fund has been a wonderful lifeline for many families, therapies take time to access and then take affect.

What can you do for your adopters/foster carers in the meantime? 

For a little as £82.50 per household, our e-course provides a family with valuable tools to build their resilience, regulate themselves, understand their children better and communicate with them more effectively. There are 9 chapters including:

leisure and self care
relaxation techniques
your reactions
worry and thoughts
understanding the behaviour
developing the relationship

View the free trial and share with you adopters and foster carers for some free tips

Parents and carers have 24/7 access for 1 year and mentoring support via skype with Gill Tree Master Practitioner in NLP and training in Solution Focused Therapy (ASF recognised therapy)  is also available. 

This is what Lorraine Hirst from Adoption UK has to say "I have had the pleasure of meeting Gill Tree and engaging her to work with Adoption UK on a number of training pieces to date. She is highly professional in her approach, very knowledgeable and personable. The feedback from the workshops on resilience that Gill ran for us was excellent and it is clear that as an adopter she has a great deal of credibility with adopters and potential adopters. With a keen eye for doing things well, Gill will always strive to meet clients needs and deliver excellence whenever possible.”

Please contact Gill Tree on 0203 553 1060 to discuss our e-courses and in-house training.


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"Always good to refresh and remind plus some new ideas too. This adoption support course on adoption stress and depression was very helpful. Loved the way your referred to your son and were very honest about getting it ‘wrong’ sometimes. I think it’s always good for adopters to remind themselves that were are not perfect, not should we strive to be. ‘Good enough’ most of the time is great."

- L -

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Member of the International Stress Management Association

Member of the International Stress Management Association 

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Somerset BA11 2LG
United Kingdom
T: +44 (0)7392 745790

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