Letter to Adopter About Non-Violent Resistance

Published on 3rd October 2023

Dear parent and prospective Non-Violent Resistance (NVR) participant

I am writing this to help you decide whether joining a programme of Non-Violent Resistance is right for you, right now. If you have seen my video you will know that NVR has been for me and many of the families I work with, a life saver. If you are really struggling with challenging behaviour and possibly where nothing else has helped, this could be the right option. (See testimonials below).

However, there is a but!!

For NVR to be successful, you (and your partner if you have one) are going to need to make changes in how you parent, possibly rebuild the relationship with your child, shift some of your thinking, exercise massive self-control at times of challenge (although we are human so we’re looking at managing this 60-70% of the time) and enlist the support of friends and family.

So, NVR is an investment of time and energy. If you are completely wrung out, as I was at times, then this might not be quite the right time to focus on a whole new parenting approach.

On the other hand, if you do have some capacity to take on new ideas and try them out, in the space of just a few months, there can be massive lasting results, especially if NVR becomes your go to parenting style. (It combines well with therapeutic parenting so is an extra tool, not an alternative one).

And more on the plus side. Although it takes some time in planning, thinking through and executing, it also saves lots of time:

  • You won’t need to drag a very reluctant child to weekly therapy sessions
  • Time spent on tenterhooks waiting for the next episode or loosing sleep worrying will reduce
  • You will spend a whole lot less time arguing, fighting and picking up the pieces
  • Your stress and tension will reduce which in itself is energising

Here are some comments from other parents:

“This has been life changing for my son and that I have the tools and skills and knowledge to handle what life throws at us. I know I won't always get it right and at times we will slip, but I also know I have the power to get us back on track again. I have gone from feeling unsafe and unsure most of the time, to in control and feeling safe all the time - in just 3 months with Gill's course and weekly inputs. I absolutely love NVR and plan on making it my default of how I parent”.

“16 weeks ago, our household was a battleground. Emotions were mostly negative, and we found ourselves in a downward spiral of disaster heading towards a family break up. Now, with the tools we have learnt along the way, we are in a much better place. We are now able to handle most situations that may arise, by applying the principles of NVR through a well constructed and delivered package".

I look forward to helping you on your NVR journey, either now, or a bit further down the line.

Best Wishes



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"Always good to refresh and remind plus some new ideas too. This adoption support course on adoption stress and depression was very helpful. Loved the way your referred to your son and were very honest about getting it ‘wrong’ sometimes. I think it’s always good for adopters to remind themselves that were are not perfect, not should we strive to be. ‘Good enough’ most of the time is great."

- L -

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Member of the International Stress Management Association

Member of the International Stress Management Association 

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