My relationship with my son (like any intimate relationship) has moments of great closeness, fun, camaraderie, connection and love. Imagine that being the centre of the number 8. Then something happens and the two of us we will move apart and sit somewhere along the line that makes one of the 2 circles of the 8. Maybe I am tired, have had some bad news or am swamped with work and he does something to annoy me. (Possibly he picks up intuitively on my lack of being present for him and does something to get my attention).
If I react negatively we will move further and further apart. The relationship may even get so fractured that we become 2 separate circles, living almost separate lives.
This is common, but it is up to me as the adult to do something as soon as I can to bring us closer and hopefully to be back at the centre of our 8. It may be as simple as an apology or a hug.
Dan Hughes advocates PACE. http://ddpnetwork.org/about-ddp/meant-pace/ playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy and it really does work.
"Always good to refresh and remind plus some new ideas too. This adoption support course on adoption stress and depression was very helpful. Loved the way your referred to your son and were very honest about getting it ‘wrong’ sometimes. I think it’s always good for adopters to remind themselves that were are not perfect, not should we strive to be. ‘Good enough’ most of the time is great."
- L -
Member of the International Stress Management Association
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